Kushwant Singh's Jokes book

Incorrigible Parrot

 प्रोफेसर जावेद की बेगम ने परिन्दों की दुकान पर एक तोता पसन्द किया और उसका मूल्य पूछा। दुकानदार ने कहा, मुहतरमा, कीमत तो इसकी अधिक नहीं है लेकिन ये अब तक तवायफ के कोठे पर रहा है इसलिए मेरी राय है कि आप इसे रहने ही दें, कोई और तोता ले लें। प्रोफेसर की बेगम को तोता कुछ ज़्यादा ही पसन्द आ गया था। कहने लगीं " भई इसे भी तो पता चले कि शरीफों के घर कैसे होते हैं।" उन्होंने तोते की कीमत अदा की और पिंजरा ले कर घर आ गईं। पिंजरे को डराइंग रूम में एक उचित जगह लटकाया तो तोते ने इधर उधर आंखें घुमाईं और बोला " वाह नया कोठा! ये कोठा तो पसंद आया भई।" बेगम को अच्छा तो नहीं लगा लेकिन वो ख़ामोश रहीं। थोड़ी देर बाद उनकी बेटियां कालेज से लौट कर घर आईं तो उन्हें देख कर तोता बोला  " ओहो, नई लड़कियां आईं हैं।" बेगम को गुस्सा तो आया लेकिन वो पी गईं ये सोच कर कि एक-दो दिन में तोते को सुधार लेंगी। शाम को प्रोफेसर साहब अपने समय पर घर लौटे। जैसे ही उन्होंने डराइंग रूम में कदम रखा, तोता हैरत से चीख़ा " अरे वाह जावेद! तू यहाँ भी आता है?"

और फिर चराग़ों में रौशनी न रही ---------

जावेद साहब उसके बाद से घर से ग़ायब हैं.........

Contributor: ST

Exam results in COVID-19 times

 

CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW:

Sampat Saral Poetry 

Cartoon by Alok Nirantar

 Published in The Print 

CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW:

Cartoons By Alok Narantar

 Biker Dog thrills fans: CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW

A special dog

Trump Dancing

Trump and Biden together - A funny video

CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW

 https://tinyurl.com/y65vluo3

Wife takes husband to a strip club

 A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.

Doctor’s Dilemma

 Mr Malhotra went to see a psychologist. 

Doctor asked, "What problem do you have?".

He said with great pride," I do not have any problem. I am Akbar the Great. What problem can a Emperor possibly have !. The problem is with my wife. Her Highness, Begum Jodhabai".

Doctor-a little bemused,"Ok, What problem does she have?".

He said - “She thinks she is Mrs Malhotra !".

Contributor: SK

Nirmala sithraman- finance Minister- interpret her actions as you wish

 

Smile for every woman- Punjabi andaz

 

Narcotic departmert looking for Anupam Kher

 

Hair cut

 

Karva Chowth special

 

Parrot speaks truth

 एक लड़की तोता खरीदने बाजार गई 

और एक बोलने वाला तोता पसंद कर लिया ।

लड़की तोते से बोली "मैं कैसी लग रही हूं?"

तोता :: बहुत आवारा सी लग रही है।

लड़की को गुस्सा आया। 

तोते का मालिक दुकानदार भी ग्राहकी खराब होते देखकर गुस्से में आ गया,

और तोते को पानी में गौता लगवा दिया और बोला " अब अगर तुमने गलत बात की तो पानी में डूबा दूंगा।"

तोते ने ठीक बात करने का वादा कर लिया।

लड़की तोते से फिर बोली।"

अच्छा यह बताओ अगर घर में एक मैं हूं, और एक आदमी हो , वो आदमी कौन हो सकता है ? 

तोता बोला : "आपका पति।"

लड़की : और अगर मेरे साथ दो आदमी हो तो दूसरा आदमी कौन होगा ?

तोता : " आप का देवर ।

लडकी : "अगर तीन हो तो ? 

तोता : आपका पति ,आपका देवर ,आपका ससुर ।

लड़की : "अगर चार हो तो ? ?????????

तोता : ( मालिक की तरफ़ देखकर बोला) 

पानी ला बे मैंने पहले ही बता दिया था लड़की आवारा है

Computers - feminine or masculine

 A man who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand concluded that Computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Types of friends

 

Innocence

 

Best parrot

 प्रोफेसर जावेद की बेगम ने परिन्दों की दुकान पर एक तोता पसन्द किया और उसका मूल्य पूछा। दुकानदार ने कहा, मुहतरमा, कीमत तो इसकी अधिक नहीं है लेकिन ये अब तक तवायफ के कोठे पर रहा है इसलिए मेरी राय है कि आप इसे रहने ही दें, कोई और तोता ले लें। प्रोफेसर की बेगम को तोता कुछ ज़्यादा ही पसन्द आ गया था। कहने लगीं " भई इसे भी तो पता चले कि शरीफों के घर कैसे होते हैं।" उन्होंने तोते की कीमत अदा की और पिंजरा ले कर घर आ गईं। पिंजरे को डराइंग रूम में एक उचित जगह लटकाया तो तोते ने इधर उधर आंखें घुमाईं और बोला " वाह नया कोठा! ये कोठा तो पसंद आया भई।" बेगम को अच्छा तो नहीं लगा लेकिन वो ख़ामोश रहीं। थोड़ी देर बाद उनकी बेटियां कालेज से लौट कर घर आईं तो उन्हें देख कर तोता बोला  " ओहो, नई लड़कियां आईं हैं।" बेगम को गुस्सा तो आया लेकिन वो पी गईं ये सोच कर कि एक-दो दिन में तोते को सुधार लेंगी। शाम को प्रोफेसर साहब अपने समय पर घर लौटे। जैसे ही उन्होंने डराइंग रूम में कदम रखा, तोता हैरत से चीख़ा " अरे वाह जावेद! तू यहाँ भी आता है?"

और फिर चराग़ों में रौशनी न रही ---------

जावेद साहब उसके बाद से घर से ग़ायब हैं.........

Home office during carona

 

Shopping for husbands

 

Diet control

 

Contributor and: SK

Carona nakli

Happy new year

*World's shortest joke*

*Wife- Happy New Year.*

*Husband - Promise...?* 

🤣

Contributor: SG

Emoji chat

Effect of Whatsapp on the English language

Ali & Rani on Whatsapp :

Ali : Hi dear.

Rani : ✋

Ali : how are you .??

Rani : 😊👍

Ali : missing me..?

Rani : 😜😉

Ali : I'm not feeling well...

Rani : 😱

Ali : How was your day..???

Rani : 👌

Ali : are you busy.??

Rani : ✔

Ali : Why ?? What are you doing ??

Rani: 💄💅

Ali : is there anyone near you..??

Rani : ❌

Ali : why don't you reply in words? Why are you using smiley faces?

Rani :- 😥😡

Ali : I heard you failed in English ??

Rani: Who telled you ? It is unpossible.. I went to saw the resalt tomorrow... I Passed away

Ali : hmmm lets go back to smileys pls 😳😳😳 

Rani:- ok dear, God blast you.

😂😝😂😆

Next level of  whatsapp language...😇😇😇😇

****

Boy :- I got a new job 😀

Girl :- ✋🐀🐀🐀

Boy :- whats this 😳

Girl:- CongRats 😜

****************************

Now this one will kill you........

😃

Girl-what is ur education ?

Boy- 🚂👂💍

Girl-what ?

Boy - Engineering 

😂

**********************************

 Girl : what is your name ?

Boy : 🍞☕

Girl : what nonsense.? ....your name is breadcoffee ?

Boy : no tube light my name is

        ..... bunty 

**********************************

 This one is killer smily 

girl : what are u doing ?

.

.

boy : 

.

.

girl : what is this ????

.

.

.

.

.

boy :   im eating PAN MASALA yaar....

***************************

Don't laugh alone forward to all  

Overambitious

Sympathy with friend

Unmindful

Suicide book

_*कानपुर* के एक सज्जन ने *लाईब्रेरी* मे जा कर पूछा, *"'सुसाइड करने के तरीके', ऐसी कोई किताब है क्या?"*_

_*लाईब्रेरियन* ने 2 मिनट तक उस सज्जन को देखा, फिर *गुटखा* थूक कर कहा, *"वापस कइसे करोगे बे...!!!???"*_

😀🤪😄😜😃

Contributor: ST

A simple businessman from Itawa

ईटावा का फर्नीचर व्यवसायी हीरालाल एक बार दिल्ली गया। 

     एक शाम वह अकेला ही बीयर बार में पहुंचा,

   बीयर की एक बोतल ली और बार के एक कोने में टेबल पर जाकर बैठ गया।

  उसकी टेबल के पास एक कुर्सी और थी जो खाली थी।

    कुछ देर बाद एक सुंदर सी युवती 

उसके पास आकर रुकी । 

    उसने अंग्रेजी में हीरालाल से कुछ कहा जो उसे समझ में नहीं आया

   हीरालाल ने भी उसे बैठने का इशारा किया ।

   हीरालाल ने अपनी टूटी फूटी अंग्रेजी में उससे बात करने की कोशिश की पर बेकार। 

  वे दोनों ही एक दूसरे की बात समझ नहीं पा रहे थे। आखिर हीरालाल  ने एक कागज पर 

बीयर के गिलास का चित्र बनाकर उसे दिखाया जिसे देखकर उसने हां में सिर हिलाया। 

   हीरालाल समझ गया कि लड़की 

बीयर पीना चाहती है। उसने उसके लिए भी  एक बीयर का आर्डर कर दिया।

     पीना खत्म होने के बाद हीरालाल ने एक और कागज पर 

खाने से भरी प्लेट का चित्र बनाकर उसे दिखाया। उसने फिर हां में सिर हिलाया 

और हीरालाल ने खाने का आर्डर भी कर दिया।

खाना खाने के बाद, 

युवती ने एक कागज लिया। उस पर पलंग /बेड का चित्र बनाकर हीरालाल को दिखाकर मुस्कराई ।

  हीरालाल ने चकित होते हुए उसके जबाब में हां में सिर हिलाया

और  बिल चुकाकर ईटावा चला आया।

इस बात को अब 15 साल हो गये!

पर आज तक हीरालाल को 

यह समझ में नहीं आया 

कि  उस लड़की ने कैसे जाना कि... वो फर्नीचर का कारोबार करता है...?

Contributor: IM

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sex Punjabi style

SEX -  Punjabi STYLE

A  DESI couple was having sex. 

Suddenly,  the ceiling fan starts rotating.

Husband: Batti Aa Gayi, 

Pehle Main Apna Phone Charge Kar Lavan!!

Wife: Haan... Main Vi Motor Chala Ke 

Paani Bhar Lavan.....Eh Kanjarkhanna Te 

Baad Vich Wi Ho Jayega..!!

😉😜

Contributor: IM

Adventure

Contributor: IM

Padosan

Riddles

• https://www.scoopwhoop.com/innocently-naughty-riddles/

You can’t lie to a child

Who controls india’s Media

Apple does it again

Doctors advice- always take second opinion

A Doctor and his wife were having a big argument at the breakfast table. 

The doctor shouted at her: "You aren't so good in bed either !" ..........and then stormed off to his clinic.

By mid morning he realized his mistake and decided to make amends and telephoned home. His wife took lot of time to pick up the phone....

Doctor: "Why you took so long to answer?"

Wife: "I was in bed."

Doctor: "What were you doing in bed this late ?"

Wife: "Getting a second opinion"

चुपके चुपके रात दिन आँसू बहाना याद है

Corona times

  

Carona- 21 days lockdown - only thing one could do

Being Punjabi

Sarso Da Tel

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days....   😠

In London, a customer asked, "Do you have "Sarso Da Tel?"

The shopkeeper says "Are you a "Punjabi? "
The guy (clearly offended) says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something...

If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hotdog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?

If i had asked for halal meat, would you ask me if I was Muslim?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

The shopkeeper says, "No, I  probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Sarso Da Tel, why did you ask if I am a Punjabi?"

The (calm) shopkeeper replied,  "Because, this is a wine shop."

Contributor: SK

Carona - Sanskrit scholars conversing

    एक संस्कृत के जवान प्रोफेसर को *कोरोना* के शक पर 20दिन के लिए आईसोलेट किया गया...।

   चौथे दिन झल्लाकर उसने अपने साथी प्रोफेसर को पोस्ट किया...😡😡😡


  *चीनस्य मातेषु भोसड़ायाम्*

Contributor:SK

Carona musical

*Songs strictly avoidable under the current circumstances*

Lag ja gale ki phir ye hasin raat (strictly forbidden !)
Bahon mein chale aao  (no question at all !)
Tum pass aye yun muchkuraye (absolute no no !)
Musafir hoon yaaron, ... mujhe chalte jana hay (aren’t you reading govt instructions ? Just lock down !)
Hold me now touch me now (are you mad !)

*However, some (WHO) approved songs can be freely sung ...*

Teri duniya se hoke mazboor chala (absolutely safe !)
Teri galion me na rakkenge kadam ..._March_ ke baad (that should be the spirit)
Chahunga mai tujhe sanjh sabere, lekin awaz main na dunga (within model code of conduct !)
Chup gaya koi re dur se pukarke (your real well wisher !)

Contributor:SK

Carona coming - announcement in Haryana

Contributor: SK

Corona Bhojpuri message

Wine yoga

Carona times

Corona’s definition in Bhojpuri

Lighter side of life

After Donald Trump, the world is wondering if it is the blonde men, not women, who are actually a bit dumber. They collected these true stories of a Blonde man:

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've already wet mine."
-----------------------
A blonde man sees a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND."

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
----------------------
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her First Child?" asks the Doctor.

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
-----------------------
A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.

"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.

"I tried that," he replies, "but then I Couldn't breathe."
----------------------
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blonde man replies: "Duh, If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
---------------------
A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
---------------------
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
----------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are intimate. The whole street was watching and laughing at YOU yesterday."

To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on "ALL OF YOU" because I wasn't even at home yesterday !

Wedding during COVID-19 days

Covid-19

New Year’s Hopes

Helping Africans

Spiritual cheers

Jo sovat hai vo khovat hai

Indian justice System

80 साल के वृद्ध को जज ने डांटते हुए कहा.....

शर्म नहीं आती इस उम्र में लड़की छेड़ते हो ?

कोई 20 साल के जवान तो हो नहीं जो माफ़ कर दिया जाए तुम्हें !

बुढ़ऊ ने कातर दृष्टि से जज को देखा और बोला कि ....👇🏻
.


.


हुज़ूर जब लड़की छेड़ी थी..
तब मैं 20 साल का ही था,
वो तो तारीख़ पे तारीख़ लगते लगते इतनी उमर हो गई।

#जज माथा पकड़ कर बैठा है

Happy moments

Self help

Foreign Bulls create problems in India

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/08/31/indian-farming-minister-blasts-loose-moral-character-of-imported/?fbclid=IwAR2SAaFzKrmgo4F8o9YE5WT4T64QqJRPq05Im5bHq6tL2CryHRmado8oqeU

Andha Dhoon

Relationship in mathematical terms

Contributed by ST

Boonda Baandi

Contributor: ST

Duck

This one is epic!!



A father gave his three sons a duck each and asked them to go and try to sell them for the best price.

The first son went out and sold his duck for $5, went home and told his dad what he had done. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer.

The second son also sold his duck for $5. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer.

The third son went out and saw a gorgeous blonde woman on the side of the road.

He went up to her and said I’ll give you my duck if you have sex with me. She considered it and said “Ok”. They had sex and when they were done she said wow that was good, I’ll give you your duck back if you’ll do me again. The boy agreed. While they were having sex again, the duck got loose and ran out into the road.

They saw the duck escape and pulled their pants on but not quickly enough to prevent the duck from getting run over by a car. The driver jumped out of the car and said “I’m so sorry i killed your duck. I’ll give you $40 to make up for it.

When the third son finally returned home in the evening, his dad asked how much he had made.

He said “I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and forty bucks for a fucked up duck.”
His Father made him President of the Trump organization

Andhadund

https://youtu.be/viDyLJyonIk

His Phone rang in temple by accident during prayers...

The Pujari scolded him.

The worshippers admonished him after prayer for interrupting the silence.

His wife kept on kept on lecturing him on his carelessness till they reached home.

You could see the shame, embarrassment and humiliation on his face.

*He has never stepped foot in the temple ever again.*


That evening, he went to a bar.

He was still nervous and trembling.

He spilled his drink on the table by accident.

The waiter apologized, gave him a napkin to clean himself up.

The janitor also mopped the floor.

The female manager offered him a complimentary drink.

She also gave him a huge hug and kissed him while saying "Don't worry man. Who doesn't make a mistake?"

*He has never stopped going to that bar since then*

😊🤣💃🥃😇

*Management Lesson"*

*"You can make a difference by how you treat people especially when they make mistakes."*
😅

Don't Challenge Women

A family is having dinner at the table one evening when the son asks the father, “Dad, how many different kinds of breasts are there?”

The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering, “Well my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears – still nice but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions.”

The son is confused and asks, “Onions?”

The father replies, “Yes – you see them and they make you cry.”

The wife and daughter are really annoyed by what their father has said, so the daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”

The mother smiles and says, “Well honey, a man also goes through three phases in life too. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty, strong and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it becomes more like a birch – flexible but reliable. But after 50, it’s like a Christmas tree.”

The daughter laughs and asks, “A Christmas tree?”

The mother replies, “Yes, dear. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

Once you open it, you realize it’s half-empty.

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”

The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”

The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and sees that it’s a picture of her husband having sex with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday and my wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday in the morning before I went to work. My parents forgot too and so did my kids. I got into work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I was really sad because everyone had forgotten my birthday!

But then as I walked into my office, my secretary smiled and said to me, “Happy birthday, boss!”

Because everyone else had forgotten, I felt so special so when my secretary asked me if I wanted to go for lunch with her I jumped at the chance.

After we’d eaten lunch, she invited me back to her apartment and again I jumped at the chance. When we got there, she asked, “Do you mind if I just go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“No problem, I’ll just wait here,” I said.

Five minutes later my secretary came back out of the bedroom with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!”…

While I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument over breakfast one morning.

As things got heated, the doctor shouted at his wife, “You aren’t so good in bed either!” and then he stormed out of the room and went to work.

A couple of hours later he was feeling guilty about what he’d said so he decided to call his wife to apologize.

There was a long delay before she finally answered. “What took you so long to answer?” asked the doctor.

“I was in bed,” replied his wife.

“What were you doing in bed at this time?” he asked.

“Getting a second opinion.”

he owner of a drug store walked into his store one day, only to notice a man leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner went over to his staff member behind the counter and asked them, “What’s wrong with that guy over there by the wall?”

The staff member replied, “Oh him – he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find any cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative instead.”

The owner shouted, “You fool! What were you thinking? You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”

The staff member said, “Of course I can. Look at him, he’s not coughed once since I gave it to him – he’s too scared!”

Handicapped

Radio announcement

Pappu ne "FM Radio Station" call ki : Hello.. ji ye 98.9 FM Radio station hai ?

RJ: ji Haan

Pappu: Meri awaaz pura shehar sun raha hai ?

R.J: Haan ji haan.  Bilkul

Pappu: Yani ghar mein jo meri behan Radio sunn rahi hai.. wo Bhi sun rahi hogi?

R.J (Ghusse me) : Ha be ha

Pappu: Hello Pinki! Agar meri aawaz sun rahi hai.. toh jaldi se Motor chala de.

Main uper chhat par.. Toilet mein baitha hun aur Paani khatam ho gaya hai aur tera phone switch off aa rha hai!

Radio announcement

Pappu ne "FM Radio Station" call ki : Hello.. ji ye 98.9 FM Radio station hai ?

RJ: ji Haan

Pappu: Meri awaaz pura shehar sun raha hai ?

R.J: Haan ji haan.  Bilkul

Pappu: Yani ghar mein jo meri behan Radio sunn rahi hai.. wo Bhi sun rahi hogi?

R.J (Ghusse me) : Ha be ha

Pappu: Hello Pinki! Agar meri aawaz sun rahi hai.. toh jaldi se Motor chala de.

Main uper chhat par.. Toilet mein baitha hun aur Paani khatam ho gaya hai aur tera phone switch off aa rha hai!

Genius

एक बैँक लूट के दौरान लुटेरों के मुखिया ने बैँक मेँ मौजूद लोगोँ को चेतावनी देते हुए कहा
"ये पैसा देश का है और जान आपकी अपनी
सब लोग लेट जाओ तूरंत .... क्विक"
सब लोग लेट गये !

इसे कहते हैँ - 'Mind Changing Concept'

लुटेरों का एक साथी जो कि MBA किये हुआ था,
उसने कहा कि पैसे गिन लेँ?
मुखिया ने कहा बेवकूफ वो टीवी पर देखना न्यूज में,

इसे कहते हैँ - 'Experience'

लुटेरे 20 लाख लेकर भाग गए. असिस्टेंट मैनेजर ने कहा - 'एफ आई आर' करें?
मैनेजर ने कहा - '10 लाख निकाल लो और जो हमने 50 लाख का
गबन किया वो भी लूट में जोड़ लो .... काश हर महीने डकैती हो'

इसे कहते हैँ - 'Opportunity'

टीवी पर न्यूज आई - "बैँक से 80 लाख लूटे"
लुटेरोँ ने कई बार गिने 20 लाख ही थे
उनको समझ में आ गया कि इतनी जोखिम के बाद उनको 20 लाख ही मिले,
जबकि साले मैनेजर ने 60 लाख यूं ही बना लिए

अब इसे कहते हैँ MANAGEMENT!